GREG SIMASFaith-Leadership-Culture

How to Love God When You Feel God Has Let You Down

How do you maintain a fervent love for God when you feel God has let you down. What do you do when you feel God has treated you unfairly, left you unprotected, undefended or abandoned? How do you respond to the seeds that lie within you questioning His love and your lack?

How do you keep the pursuit of God the main thing when you feel that the One you’re in pursuit of has, in someway, short-changed you and left you hanging out to dry? It’s not easy.

I have to admit, been there, done that.

The Life of David

The life of David encourages me. In many ways David faced the very same things I am talking about here. His life as a man after God’s own heart is filled with seasons of abandonment, unmet expectations and unanswered prayers.

Psalm 13:1 “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”

Psalm 69:1-3 “Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.

Ever felt like this?

Even though David’s prayers are bold and brutally honest, he never allows his lack nor his circumstances to derail his love and pursuit of God. This is key.

Here are just two responses David gives when things go bad.

Psalm 13:5-6 “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.”

Psalm 69:30 “I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.”

Give Thanks

Personally, in the midst of my disappointment I find strength to do one thing: I look for an occasion to give thanks to the Lord and do it. Why? Giving thanks shifts the atmosphere in my heart.

Initially it’s hard, but the more I give thanks the more my mind is renewed and my spirit is refreshed. His love fills my heart and hope and faith are activated. This is exactly what David did.

Here are a few other things I do when I am struggling in this area.

  1. I hold fast to knowing that God is love and God is good. I must hold on to these two convictions in every circumstance I face in life. His thoughts and ways are higher than mine. I trust who He is and know that He does all things well. His goal is to conform me into the image of Jesus not merely to make me feel good.
  2. I continue to worship through my lack of understanding. There really is no other way around it. I display the depths of my love in the place of greatest suffering. Whether I sense injustice or not, I will praise Him.
  3. am real with God, honorably. I have learned to go to the Lord and put my thoughts and feelings on the table. I do so with the picture of a Heavenly Father who loves and cares for me. 
  4. I embrace the pain to grow. While facing the circumstance I embrace the pain and try to squeeze every drop out of it to gain greater wisdom and revelation. I want to learn more about God and more about myself. I want the pain to make me not break me.

It’s Possible

Yes, it is possible to grow in your passion for God when you feel like He has left you behind. Your greatest reward is to thank Him in your weakest moment. To worship God when we don’t understand is the supreme offering we give this side of heaven.

Question: Love to get your thoughts on this. Agree or disagree? Share your own experience or what you have observed.

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  • PG – this is soooooooo good. I have a friend who lives in New Jersey that reads your blog and this is just what he needed to hear. Been there too! This is truly the remedy. Thanks!!!!!

    • Always feels great when I post something and it helps others. I try to write out of my own personal experience and offer what I think is biblically sound and proven in the fires of life itself. Thanks for sharing, Carla and blessings to the friend in New Jersey!

  • Good word! 
    This is exactly what I do, worship Jesus and praise His Name. Yes, it is a push sometimes but I am learning that if I just do it my heart will follow. 🙂 

    Sometimes when I am praying for all of these sick people, I become so sad that there isn’t any improvement in them. It is then that I need to look to Daddy and know that His ways are better than mine and I trust Him to answer according to His timing and not mine. He usually shows me things He is doing in them or in others that are affected by them. Little things like a change of heart or a step closer to Him. All these little things add up and when I step back I see a bigger picture of their growth in God and really that is what it is all about, growing in our relationship with Jesus, coming to know Him better. 

    In sickness, financial problems and in death He is to be be worshipped, honoured and adored. 

    Blessings brother, 

  • Good one boss, I think the joy God gives me just  knowng him trumps all I am going thru his prescence no doubt is key and thanking Him too I know my steadfast prayers will not be done in vain.  

  • Pg,
    Thanks for this great reminder. It’s been hard being away from my Chop family while helping my dad.
    Thru this expierence of caring for my Dad I can see the Lord is wanting to heal so area’s that I thought were healed. Thru everything PaPa is always working!  He is!  

    • I can’t tell you how many times I “thought” that I was completely healed of something only to find out there was a little more left. God is good and He will give you grace to finish what He has started. Thanks for posting a comment and joining the discussion 😉

  • i think this is a subject everyone can relate to – glad you wrote on it.   worshiping in the midst of not understanding or having the answers is key for me.  i really have related to lamentations 3 as well – reminding myself of His lovingkindness that does not fail me regardless of my present circumstances.  i believe it is absolutely realistic that we grow in our passion for the Lord in these trying times – it is where we meet Him most because we have to decide if we really trust His leadership when we do not understand and not only in the easier times.  great post.

    my recent post: it’s all about perspective

    • Some real great verses coming out of Lamentations 3 that definitely apply.
      Lam. 3:23-25 “Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; ”  

      Good stuff, Charis. Thanks for dropping by and sharing in the discussion.

      • But this is not my experience. I wish it was. I have been praying for an answer for over 18 months, may times daily and it just feels like God has put on his ear muffs when it comes to me. I feel totally alone and without hope

    • I know God is there and loves me very much but I wish God was there when there was bad situations in life

      • Hi Jane. God is with you in every situation. At times He feels more distant but that doesn’t mean He is. I’ve discovered in the bad situations I face, it’s a call to draw nearer to God.

        • I can sympathize with Jane bcuz I have visited that feeling quite a few times now. Although, I totally agree with the counsel given by Greg. As soon as I started to be “tempted” to feel as Jane has…I had a thought to worship God /Jesus until that feeling had left from me and no its not easy. This is such a hard subject Greg,
          to address with believers. But? I believe you are Christ led and, The Lord is using you to help us perceive this issue in a different light.

        • How can I draw near to Him when there’s no feedback, no indication of his presence or live for me

          • Exactly. No presence. I’ve heard all the Pastorific messages, even the messages of love and fatherly guidance. But it just seems that the messages I receive are blank. Study groups, prayer, church involvement, journaling, paid counseling, I could name them all, as I have tried to receive God’s message of love, victory and righteousness. But not for me. My experience with having a relationship with God/Jesus is blank. Nothing. Well, not really. I guess it is more like…being really let down, disappointed and forgotten. Being where I once was, leaning on God for my daily life, my success, my being, my identity. All shattered because of “his will”, or “that’s just a part of God’s plan” or “he knows what is best for you”.
            How can a person of sane mind, a person who had a faith in God & his own “fellow man” be receptive to persevere when his whole experience with God/Jesus has been negative and disappointing. I can’t even remember when it was a positive experience or relationship.

  • Really great piece. Thanks for the encouragement and I do share your opinion on ways out of the valley when you feel ‘abandoned by God’. It’s just each new experIence feels increasingly worse than the last and one loses steam with it and you wonder – when exactly is God really going to ‘show up’, not just in scriptural promises but in reality!

    • I totally understand the tension of this. It’s hard. The difficult seasons some how benefit us if we choose to trust Him in the process. Jesus endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2), He didn’t enjoy it. Some seasons are meant to be endured and many more enjoyed. There are transformations in the “enduring” seasons. God will work all things out for those who love Him. My prayers are with you. He will give you the very strength you need!

      • It feels like I have been enduring my whole life. One set of Wait For It after another. Life More Abundantly is what Jesus promises but every time I see the promise of this, it is taken away again, and I am back to square 1. I am thinking well just give up then, because every time I choose to say Fear Not Only Believe, it just ends up in disappointment. I can choose this as often as I like, and it looks like it might be true for a moment in time but then it’s gone again. I am truly trapped and have no way out of this

        • Yep. Right with you.
          My parents taught me hot and cold. I learned that lesson. I learned to stay away from a hot stove, bad people, bullies, things that make me uncomfortable, dark alleys, bad influences. If it’s not a productive, positive, helpful person, influence, or situation for me, then avoid it. Look for the things in life that respond to you in a positive light. Be influenced by those that respond and give you positive feedback and encouragement. Learn from your mistakes, Be watchful for evil, find things and people who give you good experiences, positive learning, helpfulness, and keep you honest and a good person.
          I have heard all of this, all my life. Plus I believed it, subscribed to it, was even told this is God’s plan for us. To be a positive influence for others.
          But when I ask for help, from God/Jesus, from other people, I get no response. Nothing. Others may get a message, a scripture, an awakening or something.
          Me, I get another disappointment. Another let down.
          Lost everything I had. My identity, my business, my respect from others, my respect from my family, all the things I had worked for, prayed for and were thankful for. Gone.
          Why God? Why have I been treated this way? What did I do to deserve this?
          When times get tough, turn to him. He will bring you joy and happiness. He will set your path. Follow him. I DID! And now it’s all gone.
          Why subscribe to these “teachings” if even when I do, and life is grand and full of joy, I lose it all.
          I just don’t understand it. I am very disappointed in “Gods Plan” for me. Why destroy a person at a later stage of life, closer to the end than the beginning, so I can rebuild everything a second time? And then, when I ask why or even pour out to God/Jesus my pain….I get nothing. Blank. No answer. No moment. No Aha. Just a little voice saying, I guess you’re just not one of us.
          Well, if you want to treat me this way, like a bully, like a hot stove…I guess I’ll just go this way and avoid another disappointment.

          • We are called to die to self and sometimes the flesh wants to hold on too tight. Read what happened tp Job or the Apostle Paul yet they still loved God. You will never suffer like either one of those people nor will I. Get your eyes off yourself and ask God to forgive you. Scriptures say we must share in the sufferings of Jesus Christ.

  • Just what I needed to hear. Recently, I had come to a place where I was more obedient to God than ever, and it seems like the gates of hell have broken loose, and it has left me feeling like God has abandoned me when I need him the most, even though for the first time in a while, I having been living in obedience to God. My faith has been shaken like never before, but somehow I also feel stronger in my faith than ever before (as crazy as that sounds). This helps me to “praise through the pain.” Thanks for sharing!

    • Hello Mia. Sometimes the pain we are experiencing and the trial we are facing, after making the decision to obey God, puts a hole in our spiritual ceiling and creates a way for us to get to the next level. It’s weird. I think the feeling of the “gates of hell being loosed” can be strategic. The gates being open can allow us to advance into the enemies camp and take ground for God. These kinds of things serve only to make us better if we don’t become bitter. May the Lord continue to increase in you greater levels of faith as you move forward in God.

  • I understand what you are saying there and I agree. But where am lost is a man of God had so many promises from God to be fulfilled, but he has died before they are fulfilled. God says He keeps His promises and they will come to pass, but now this man has died before seeing them…please help me understand coz am stuck at that point I don’t know what to think and I don’t want to doubt God.

    • Hi Jane. Good question here. I see a couple things happening with your statement. First, God is fully trustworthy and cannot lie. From that point, either the person who received the promise was mistaken (we see and know in part) or the promises will be fulfilled in the next life. Remember, we will rule and reign with Jesus ON THE EARTH. Dying is a means of gaining greater glory as we rule and reign with Jesus. Also, let your questions bring you into a deeper relationship with the Lord not alienation from Him. He loves you and your questions. 😉 Hope this helps.

  • We have been trying for child for the past 3.5 years.Before reading this blog, I was overwhelmed with feeling of abandonment, unmet expectations and unanswered prayers. Pain had been so high and even questioned the Goodnes of GOD.Your blog was like an answer to my situation.Now I know how to deal with my negative throughts….Yes, God is GOOD…Even If we dont have a child sooner, Still I will Praise and Thank GOD, Believing that he will fullfill his promises and MY LORD IS GOOD……

    • Hello Sujith. Thanks for stopping by the blog and joining the discussion. I just prayed for you asking the Lord to give you the desire of your heart. But until that desire is realized, I believe you made the right decision to offer thanks and remind yourself of His goodness. If we can offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving in seasons where we have the greatest disappointments we mature in love. I love what the Lord is doing in you!

  • Excellent thoughts! I think this is a true need and feeling among both Christians and non-Christians alike.

      • thank you for sharing your wisdom… today i feel like God has abandoned me.. I was fired for bring to discrimination and unfair wages disparity to the attention of management.. and the company got away with it…I dont understand how God allowed them to get away with the lies… the loss if my job caused financial hardship.. but the fact that God did not protect me hurts more than anything… God has been good to me…I know he is a good God.. but allowing people to clearly mistreat me and get away with wrong doing makes me want to give up.. he didn’t protect me and he allowed the lies to prevail.. is overwhelming to me.. where is my God in this?

        • Hi Wanda, I completely understand. I know what that feels and I’ve felt in some ways just like you. What I’ve discovered is that I can only see what’s in the moment or in the injustice that has been done me. I’ve learned that God sees the big picture and I can’t. He can make all things work for good, and does. Hang in there, be open to have Him comfort you in the loss. Talk to Him about your pain. Trust and believe. Keep your faith strong. I believe at some point in time, whether in the now or sometimes even years to come, you will see how He used this current situation for your growth and His glory. Blessings.

  • Hi PG, These are the kind of encouraging words i need in my live right know and with these words of yours, i am ready and fully prepared to put in all my best to serve HIM (GOD). All i just need from you is to please keep praying for me to fight a Good Fight of Faith and to endure hardship like a good shoulder of Christ. Thanks.

  • Like Sujith, my husband and i have also been trying to have a child for the past three years. I was very hopeful for this cycle as everything seemed to be going smoothly, until i received the crushing news that it had failed. I’ve been a staunch believer all my life and prayed hard for this cycle to work. So the blow is a bit harder to come to terms with… But I do not want this disappointment to distance me from my Lord and His Goodness.. Lord knows I have failed on several accounts and perhaps this is His way – as you so beautifully expressed – of molding me better to ‘conform into the image of Jesus’ and not merely to making me feel good. Yes, I won’t deny that I feel the pain and hurt and even abandonment, but i’m sure my Lord is there and has a better plan ahead.
    Thanks for your post. It really was what I needed in this hour!

    • Hi Aditi. There are some things in life that are mysteries to me. I could not tell you the reason why these things happen. But one thing I have discovered over the years is that God is really smart, He leads us well and He is a perfect Heavenly Father. This does not mean that these types of things are easy to accept but we do know that God is always looking after our highest good. Always!

  • I have stepped up to the plate because someone in my family has a Jezebel spirit which I went to my Pastors for confirmation for. I have known how to obey God’s voice before and truly felt I was doing the same. I have been enduring the repercussions of the stupidity of this action and after a year I have had to concede defeat. I have lost the love and relationship of my two brothers and a sister in law. I am looked at with contempt and ridiculed beyond endurance. Perhaps all OK if good fruit was the outcome .. but only bad fruit has been produced. My damage is so full of terrible grief that I feel I will never be able to step out in faith again. Other than the sudden death of my late husband .. this is the most grief I have ever felt. I don’t know what to think or how to feel. I can thank the Father .. but for what I don’t know. For the pain and anguish, the lesson in humility, the loss of loved brothers, the pain caused to my parents, the abuse from one of my brothers beyond endurance. So thank You Father for the pain, humiliation, anguish and heart ache . May You be glorified through this time. In Jesus’s Name Amen

    • Hello there. I’m sorry you are in this situation. All is never lost when we keep the Lord first place. Let me say that we all make mistakes, BIG mistakes but God is always working things out for good if we keep going to Him. We can never control what goes on in the hearts of others but we can control what goes on in ours. Continue to find God’s activity in any detail regarding this situation, so you have hope. It’s all not over — I believe that in a future time, though it can be a while, things will get better for you and all involved.

  • Hi Thanks for your reply Greg. I like the part where you wrote: ‘Continue to find God’s activity in any detail regarding this situation, so you have hope.’ it gives me some hope for my sister in law who has a very real hold on our family and for the rest of our family. She has been at the centre of two family splits beside our one. Her own family .. all of them in her family of origin have nothing to do with her (including both her parents), and her adult step-daughter and six step-grandchildren all who have no contact with her or their father/grandfather (her husband/my brother). And yet they don’t see it! Three family splits and always the other party is to blame ..”L…..
    did nothing”. Nothing has ever happened like this in our family before.
    Do you have experience dealing with a spirit like this? If so .. do you have any advice on how to help our family? Do you know it’s real name before humans named it Jezebel after the first person on record with it? If I address it I’d like to be able to address it correctly. Is it true it has two lesser spirits that help it by infiltrating people who are soul-tied to it’s host to protect it? (That would explain one of my brother’s behaviour.)

    Sorry about so many questions .. but any help is appreciated.
    Thank you

    • Hi Robyn. Personally, I think that the whole Jezebel and these different levels of power is extremely confusing and does more damage to individuals than good. Just my opinion. Intstead of warring in the second heaven it’s best to war from the third. (there is much to say about this). Instead of this Jezebel and the demonic being the focus, rise above it and get heavens perspective. Ask in prayer, what is the Father’s is seeing and saying. Get His perspective on what is happening. Find out what He thinking. How does He view these people in the family and how you should respond.

      Most people who are accused of a “Jezebel” spirit have been really hurt at some point in their past. If you get the the root of the problem through prayer and what I call Sozo ministry, then there is a good chance that the person (or people) will be emotionally healed and will be on the road to recovery.

      I’m extremely limited here on the blog. I hope this helps you just a little. I will be in prayer for you and your situation. Blessings.

  • Thank you. I needed this today. I’m not even in a place where I can engage in it, but at least I can see a foothold ahead of me, if I can keep my head up long enough to reach it. i have never felt so abandoned by God, or so much like everything i have lived for in His name over the last 25 years is useless. my ministry is stale and cold, our adult son has abandoned his faith and all we have raised him to believe, I have no idea who I am any more. God is not hearing me, he is not answering me, and the days I do receive some comfort from him, it’s barely enough to keep me alive. I feel myself inexorably descending into complete bitterness, cynicism, and fatalism. I still believe in God, and I still even love him, I’m just SO angry and disappointed that He would treat me like this. I know other people have FAR worse lives than mine. But for me, right now, this God who I thought was so personal and who cared about me as an individual, has disappeared. Instead, i see a God who is omnipotent, distant, cold, and to whom I am nothing but a worm. To those childless couples, i understand your pain, but believe me, there are some days now when I wish i had never had children. it is the worst pain i have ever felt. That ‘sharper than a serpen’ts tooth” thing? No truer words were ever spoken. Sorry to rant. Thanks again for the time and thought you put into your posts.

    • Hi Noreen. I totally get the pain and frustration you are feeling. My words here could not begin to truly help except to say that I’ve been there and understand. All I can say is that when you feel like you can barely hold on, don’t ever let go. You will discover your hope in God again! As “seasoned” believers I would assume you have seen His faithfulness through the years, as i have, and know that in the end we’ll grow to better understand His love and His ways. I’m am praying for you!

      • Thank you, Greg, for your prayers and compassion–most of all, the encouragement to just hold on. That’s about all I can manage to do right now, but I’m seeing that it’s enough. I so appreciate your ministry, and your personal response.

  • God is so heart with all His ways. He let me understand that His ways are higher than mine that not all my questions be answered but He is always there to give me strength and help me sustain in every circumstances in life. There is power in the name of Jesus and His name be glorified. To God be the glory, honor and praises. God is so great in all His ways. Praise God.

  • wat am feelin is just 2 hard 4 me! lookin @ my wife nd son yet cant give dem wat dey need nd want in life almost makin me doubt God but readin all dis is life savin! tank u greg 4 d topic nd wat u hav written!

    • Hi Chimezie. Glad this post was life-saving. God is with you. Never give up on the Lord, He is for you most in times when you feel him the least.

  • My neighbors were generational satanists. During one of their rituals, I felt as though I was dying and going to hell, eternally separated from God. The pain was indescribable, the sense of abandonment, complete. When the Lord brought healing, He said, “I was always with you and I never left you. I was with you at the time and I didn’t want you to see what you saw or experience what you experienced. I wanted you sitting on My lap, looking into My eyes, hidden by My robe, covered by My wing, because I was going into the sacrifice for you. I was going to die for you and for the little girl. I am not restricted by time and space. I am the same yesterday, today and forever. We can go back and you will know that you know that I was with you.” I re-experienced it spiritually and emotionally, and I cried out, “Oh God, help me, I’m dying.” He called my name, “Martha, Martha, Martha, Tabitha arise.” I rose up and felt new life. I would love to say that was the end. It wasn’t. But it is a clear picture of where God is in the midst of suffering whether we can see Him or not. What He wanted me to know is that HE HELD ONTO ME WHEN I COULD NOT HOLD ONTO HIM. This life is hard. If your heart’s desire is to be conformed into the image of Christ, it’s going to be even harder. There will be opposition. When He sends the disciples out in Matt. 10, He spends about 1/4 of it on the good things and about 3/4 on how hard it is going to be. Jesus also tells us that we can do nothing apart from Him. The Holy Spirit works His works. Stand and see His salvation. Let go. May the knowledge of the love of Christ undergird each one of you in the dark hour. There is an appointed time of deliverance. These are temporary afflictions and not to be compared with the weight of eternal glory. The Lord IS with you.

    • Hi Martha, I would have to say you had an interesting occurrence. It is true that He will never leave us nor forsake us and so often we realize he is there by faith yet we are not experiencing His presence in the way we expect during difficult seasons. I’m glad the Lord made himself real to you and gave you revelation in your relationship with Him.

      • Yes, Greg, there has been a lot of revelation and yes, expectation has played a huge part in disappointment in my life. I have walked many years in obedience by faith without feeling love or feeling loved. My own heart was too weighted with grief and oppressed by condemnation. What did I hold onto? Confidence in Jesus, the memory of those times I had felt loved, His word and truth – God is good and Jesus loves me, no matter how I feel. His grace is sufficient no matter the pain. I did a lot of enduring, persevering. I looked at Jesus as He is described in the New Testament, specifically at His emotions and I saw someone who wasn’t on a spiritual high 90% of the time. I heard the longing and pain for His children, “Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem…” I heard the disappointment and frustration with unbelief, “Have I been with you so long and still you do not know Me?” What must He have felt when He traveled through a storm to deliver a man possessed with demons and the people cared more about their pigs than the well being of this man. He wept over Lazarus, Martha and Mary. He drove the moneychangers out of the temple with a whip. He called the Pharisees a brood of vipers, white-washed tombs. Jesus wasn’t holding out on me – that’s not why I was feeling unloved. He was revealing His heart to me. He was a man of sorrows acquainted with my grief. And I became acquainted with His. With that said, there comes a time to let go. He told me once that I could not hold sorrow and pain and also comfort and joy. I had to let go of one to receive the other. I’m trying to get there. It’s been a long road. I, too, have 3 children and 2 grandchildren. “It’s been a long and lonely struggle, desperate fight, to try to stay alive, hold on, within the terrors of the night” (Welcome Home poem I wrote). The Lord does bind up the brokenhearted. He will complete the good work He began. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. Be blessed.

  • Thank you so much for tackling this topic. I just happened to be looking at the Convergence Schedule and ran into your website. I appreciate the honesty in this and am grateful that you discussed this area of our relationship with God that hardly anyone talks about or dismisses that disappointment actually happens to us sometimes. I’m going to follow your guidance on this. THANK YOU!!!
    Btw, I went to FC and graduated in the late 1980’s and I remember you speaking at our chapel services in the gym (do they still have the carpet in there? LOL) – everything you spoke on really got me inspired and awakened. It’s cool how God is continuing to take you from glory to glory. Blessings to you!

    • Thanks you, Kat. Yeah, I remember those FCS chapel days. Thank God that the school moved away from the carpeted floors and now have something else! I’m glad the post helped you and let us all keep pressing in for MORE from the Lord. When you get chance stop by Convergence would love to meet you! Blessings.

  • Hi Greg,

    I have been between a rock and a hard place. For many years I have been in incredible pain at times but have sought hard after the Lord. For pretty much the last 20 years I have met with Pastors weekly (one for 2 years, another for 18 months and the last one 17 years). I wanted first and foremost remove the barriers to intimacy with Christ and grow closer to God (not by my works but because I understood a little of His grace to me and wanted a deeper walk) and to fast and pray with them and do what it says in Timothy to honor my leaders and I thought I could do so by doing this.

    I have been in incredible pain while working through at challenging past but this did not stop me.I felt purpose and meaning and was so glad to be able to have someone to do this with.

    I wanted to learn to trust God and have prayed what seems like forever, Lord I believe help me unbelief. In other words I dont know how to trust you Lord so give me by Your power what I need to rely on You.

    I have also asked the Lord to give me the will to will. In other words give me or help me to find the will to keep doing this Lord because it is waning. Don’t judge me on this as it is the last thing I need. I need grace. I think God’s love goes so far beyond what man understands but at time I feel almost driven to release myself from the pain the insanity of it by by taking my own life.

    I once heard Charles Stanley preach on the subject of suicide and he came up with the same conclusions as myself: It is not the unpardonable sin. It is sin and there are consequences but it is not unpardonable at least from what scripture says.

    This is not why I am writing though. I am writing because I have cried out to the Lord for so long and now find myself still having a hard time trusting, my will to keep doing this being pushed to its limit and I have prayed for God to NEVER let me outlive my love for Him and yet at times I feel anger and conflicted and I wonder, God why Lord am I even in this place! Why after all the years of earnestly seeking You with my whole heart am I here.

    I have written nearly 500 poems most of them about the Lord and some having to do with my struggles. Some of the titles are: No more to Question Why, Let All That Hinders, He Sees The Whole. One goes like this: I pray for heart of flesh and not a heart of stone–No matter where these troubles lead I wan to be Your own–But help me not just say it or write it with my pen–But help me live it day by day I humbly pray–AMEN

    There are times when I feel that I am turning away and it scares me to the core but each day i pray and when I don’t feel too guilty for having these thoughts of suicide come I get into the word which is fairly often but it does hinder me a lot. I feel let down because the very things I have been crying out for like trusting more, not getting a hard heart (thank God it is still not too hard) and giving or helping me to find the will to keep doing this and seemingly gone unanswered.

    I was not asking for money, or for things but for relationship. Sometimes I say, maybe it is sin and the people that hurt me (family of origin) and the choices I have made have brought this upon me and I do take responsibility for my past actions. But you get the drift. I am searching, looking for the deeper answers that maybe few are asking or if they are they are given pat scriptural answers.

    All I want is to not have these as barriers to intimacy. This is what I have cried out for a very very long time. I do know this much that God is love. i have enough sense to look around and see that all the good that happens in this world is because God is love. I see other things too about God that causes me to know He is good. But I want to be free of questions and no longer be conflicted in regards to the Lord seemingly not answering my wailings to become what I have cried out to become for a long time.

    I am taking a chance here in sharing all that I have my heart. A chance that I will be give pat answers and not something that I can truly hang onto. I will end here as I know I have written a lot. Do take care.

    Sincerely, Neil

    • Neil. First of all I apologize for not getting back to you any sooner. I just hit a log-jam. Your story reveals your ache and hardship. Thanks for taking the risk in sharing your heart. It appears that you have had much counseling through many years. It’s extremely difficult to offer something you can “hang on to” in the brevity of this comment. Let me just share from my own experience. Sometimes the harder I work to know God the further I appear from God. Kinda weird. On the contrary what I have discovered is that when I find rest in God I draw near to God. When reading your post I just prayed for His rest to come to you so you sense His nearness. Maybe that’s where you’ll find a breakthrough in your journey as I have found in my own. 🙂

  • This is the first time I have written on one of these Christian discussion pages. I have two experiences I’d like to share and one question. Here is the first, Twenty years ago I was facing criminal charges. Just saying that puts me out of about 80% of Christian churches. I returned to God and begging for forgiveness for over one year multiple times a day. I repented, changed my way of living, worshipped and was fruitful for the Lord. My relationship with Christ became more intimate. During this time, I even stood up against corruption in the legal system. It was the right thing to do. Then came the day of my sentencing. My faith was firmly planted in scripture and the promises of God. What should have been a “slap on the wrist” turned into a horrible and overly harsh sentence. That day I learned how to measure faith. It is my how heartbroken and devastated you are when God drops you on your head. That is not supposed to happen. It goes against every promise Christ made. Then I was left in the hell of prison with my faith destroyed with no one to turn to except the God who just threw me to the lions personally. Why not? He committed genocide right? Twenty years later, still having that “scare of faith” etched into my heart, I am in a similar situation. After two years of intense prayer and pleading with God for mercy, my faith is extremely weak. All I can think about is how God broke his promises 20 years ago. I am out of jail now because God heard my prayers and out of nowhere provided a way for me to be released on bond. My lawyer sure didn’t. God did. I praise him everyday with a overflowing heart. My question is: Will God let me down again like he did 20 years ago or is the fact that he released me from jail this time on bond his way of saying he will save me from prison this time? Hard question, harder situation. How do you interprete my situation ?

    • Hi Mike. Wow. My heart goes out to you. I have a couple of thoughts from my own life. First, I’ve discovered that the first line of assault the enemy uses against believers is to question God’s character, namely His goodness. This goes all the way back to the garden. As soon as the enemy created doubt about the goodness of God to Eve he had them, and the rest is history. There are things in my life I straight up did not understand but in the midst of it I’ve refused to back down from His goodness. I would encourage you to do the same: regardless. Secondly, I’ve learned that the goal of my life and the work of the Holy Spirit, is to conform me into the image of Christ. Hard times have not been pleasant but I’ve managed to come through them looking more like the Lord because I’ve realized that He wants to conform me to His his image and likeness. Lastly, there was no one ever more falsely accused, and treated unjustly then Jesus himself. Yet not once did he question the Fathers goodness. He bore the pain for a higher mission and cause. I cannot explain why these things happen to us in our journey but I do know that the growth comes in these seasons if we just treat them right.

      In regard to question? The Bible says to trust in the Lord (proverbs 3:5,6) and to put our hope in God. I know it’s a scary thing to do because we don’t want to be disappointed and have to face things that we considered behind us but what else are we to do? Where are we to go? I would be honest with the Lord and let him know your faith is fragile but you’ll give him what you have. Pray it all works out for you. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • “OUR GREATEST REWARD IS TO THANK HIM WHEN HE FAILS US ? No it says to have faith even until death because life may not get better if it does you’ll give God credit but life is good and bad , praying doesn’t change the out come ,miracles happen to Christians or sinners praying or not there is no way of knowing but if you always pretend it’s gonna get better it helps whether u believe in God chucky cheese

    • Hi Steven, The sentence actually says, “Your greatest reward is to thank him in your weakest moment.”. Also, I don’t embrace the idea that prayer doesn’t work or has no impact on the outcome of something. If this is so, why did Jesus pray and why did Jesus teach us to pray. Also, why do we read of people in the New Testament praying and why are we exhorted to pray. So I embrace the reality that prayer can impact and/or change the outcome of something as we co-labor with God. We are never to try in figure out why things did or did not happen though I feel this can come to us as we ask God (prayer). We are exhorted to pray always and to pray without ceasing even in the difficult seasons. Thanks for sharing.

  • Greetings, Pastor Greg. I stumbled upon this blog post today and was encouraged by your responsiveness and concern in replying to all of the comments, so I thought i would reach out to you as well in the hopes that you can provide some sort of advice.
    My husband and I are in a deep financial crisis due to the fact that I have not been able to find employment since relocating back to CA due to family issues. My husband is working, but unfortunately his income isn’t enough to cover all of our expenses, so we’ve had to rely heavily on our savings, which, at this point have been pretty much wiped out. Things have become so severe that we will be out on the street if our situation doesn’t change drastically before the end of the month. Throughout this entire time, roughly a year and a half, we have been fervently seeking the Lord through prayer and fasting. Nothing has happened. It seems that every hint of a potential door of opportunity is slammed shut in my face, as if God is trying to punish me. I have never been so scared in my life, and am trying with all my might to remain focused on God and believe that somehow He’ll get us through this. I just don’t understand how or why this is happening to us, when the Word of God says that the righteous are not forsaken and their descendents will not beg for bread. Thanks in advance for any light you might be able to shed on the matter. May God bless you richly!

    • Hi Marissa. Sorry for the such a delay to your comment. I hope things have changed for the good for both you and your husband! I would encourage you to continue to believe in God’s goodness and provision especially when we don’t see it coming our way. Isaiah 55 says that we God’s ways and thoughts are greater than ours. Keep praying and fasting and trusting the Lord, sometimes in the long run we look back and see how much sense our life events have made.

  • Perfect for me today. Our family was finally coming up for air from some deeply painful situations and whoosh…another one blew in and blindsided us just 48 hours ago. It came out of nowhere, no fault of our own, and totally leveled us for a couple of days. This morning I prayed through my tears, “How long, O Lord, how long???” as I recalled what David said. I think I need to spend some time studying David’s writings in the Psalms, as I feel so let down by God that He just continues to let pain in, wave after wave, through the doors of my life. I’m in a place I do not think I have ever been in before, spiritually, and about all I can gain the strength to do right now is give thanks and ask for wisdom and understanding.

    • Hi Beth. I want to let you know that I’m in the same boat in this season of my life. I have been diving into Psalms the last 6 weeks. As I’ve been reading, it amazes me to discover how often David is feeling these same emotions and facing these same types of obstacles (Psalm 69:1-3). The pain is there, the questions are honest and we are desperate for answers (Psalm 69:16). Yet, over and over again David falls back on God’s love, might and power. He finds His rest (beside all the confusion and pain) in God (Psalm 62:1 NIV). Our breakthroughs arrive if we can go deep in God through our pain. I encourage you to stay the coarse. I know your breakthrough is coming…it always does for those who hold tight to the Lord in these seasons.

      • Thanks, Greg – I appreciate your reply and response. I am definitely going to be looking into the Psalms during this time, and by His grace, things have gotten a bit easier since I first wrote. My husband and I have made a pact to claim a verse for each week that we will center our thoughts around, end our conversations with, and pray according to, so that we may set our minds on God and not on our problems or our pain. We really have much to be thankful for – it’s all what we choose to focus on.

  • I’m trying to stay strong as i type this. I just don’t understand life. Im a good person but pain always comes my way. Just lost a job and i feel worthless because all my jobs i have been a minimum wage worker and I feel I’m just a minimum wage individual. Im getting my bachelors but no one will give me a chance in my field. When i did have a job i felt worthless going to my minimum wage job knowing that I’m a pawn and can be easily traded or replace. I just want to feel special and just not another person. Now i lost my job and i feel even more worthless. I do have a certain sin i continue to commit but god knows how much i want to quit. Maybe thats the reason god is punishing me but i don’t do bad things in life but the one mistake i do make I’m being judged on it i feel and things are headed my way. Or maybe god knows how strong i am as a person as USE IT TO HIS ADVANTAGE to bring more pain in my life because he knows i can take it but I’m tired of all the test. I never had a happy period in my life. iTS ALWAYS MAYBE

    • Hi Tyrone. Just by looking over your comment a couple thoughts came to me. First, happiness is an inside job. I would take a step further and say that joy is what you truely seek. Happiness depends on external things, while joy is internal. God is the only one who can really fulfill the ache in your heart. I know rich people who are miserable…healthy people who are miserable etc. While I fully support both wealth or health, the point is, is that the “true riches” Jesus taught us to pursue, come from from Him. Second, A “worthless” identity is unhealthy and unbiblical (in my opinion). Refuse to believe the “worthless” lie. It’s not part of your identity or destiny. You’re a son of the living God. Lean on Him even more in this season. Get help for your “sin” — the sin (like all sin) is working against you. The Lord has a great plan and future in front of you!

  • why do you tell people the garbage. There is no god or devil. For over 60 years I have prayed to god and NEVER has he answered a prayer never. So for 60 years god HAS let me down.

    • Hi, Buck. I’m sorry to hear this. I’m sorry for all the pain you are feeling and have felt over the years. There is not much I can say based on your comment. What I might say, theologically, I’m sure you will have an answer for. The only thing I can say comes from my own life, which is stated in the above post. God has answered many of my prayers and will continue to do so. I pray that His love will supernaturally break into your life, healing all your hurt, and you will truly know for yourself that He is real.

  • Ok, give up your wife and children, and live your life completely apart of human companionship. Then we’ll see how eager you are to blindly worship God in “suffering.” Those with full stomachs should zip lecturing the starving.

    • Hmmm. Sorry for what has happened to you. Though I have not walked in your shoes in this particular situation, I have experienced devastating hardships and this post explores my personal and biblical response to such hardships. Allow the Lord to help you process and work through your hurt and pain as He did with me.

  • I thought my heart was hard. When I felt that. But I think it’s possible if we are in the midst of challenge and when we can see the way out. Knowing that God will never fail us is the remedy for that doubt.
    When ever I did not understand what was going on in my life,asking God in prayer why certain things happened.I said to God”I know you are good father you know the what’s best for me.
    I believe if we can stay close to God and spend time with Him we can be in the same rhythm with Him. When we face challenges we tend to think and feel that we are alone and somehow failing apart but in His mind He is saying and knowing that we are more than over-comers. The remedy for frustration, confusion and all fears from the devil is being in the presence of God, see things like He does see them, being on the same rhythm with him.

    • Hi, Senate. I fully agree! When I was reading your comment, I thought of Psalm 23, which I’ve been holding onto through 2016. Psalm 23:5 “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies…” So the enemy can watch us eat at the table of His presence as long as we stay “in rhythm with the Lord” God is good and He always makes everything work out for our good as long as we abide!

    • I lost everything and now an evil spirit possesses my inner being. Have been tortured now for over 4 years. Tried and prayed every day since then that he would give my heart peace, so I could believe. Literally have physically hurt myself to get these blasphemous spirits out of my heart. Would rather live in severe pain than be worry every minute about blasphemy (which I think I already commited). It’s BS because I prayed that these spirits would stay out of my spirit over 1000 times. Lost almost everything in my life. Cried out to him, aND still want to put a bullet in my head. When I read this post about trusting God it make me extremely frustrated and sad because I can’t do what I must do without his power and spirit, and he’s not helping me so I will die in my sin. I feel I’m as good as wishing I never lived and God still didn’t help me. Utter insanity with out the holy spirit.

      • Hi, John. I’m so sorry to hear this. First, let me clear up the blasphemy issue. There mere fact that you’ve are thinking of whether you committed blasphemy is proof that you have not. So let’s take that off the table. Secondly, if you have reached out to a local pastor, counselor or deliverance ministry team, please pursue this. As you are probably fully aware, you cannot work this out on your own. John, you’re going to make it! God has not let you out of His sight and is closer than you think. Keep breathing the air of heaven.

  • Very encouraging right practice. Yes, being thankful in every situation is the greatest wisdom and the right path for victory in life.this is what have learnt in my life. May God bless you.

  • There is a HUGE chasm between:
    Psalm 13:1 “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”
    Psalm 69:1-3 “Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.

    TO THIS…
    Psalm 13:5-6 “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.”
    Psalm 69:30 “I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.”

    HOW does one go from Psm 13:1 to 13:5?

    • Hi, Breakfreer. To answer your question, I think it’s a couple of things. One, I believe the writer of the Psalm has a personal history in God where he has seen His deliverance on many occasions. This leads to the second thing, because of his history in God, trust in God is born in these tough circumstances and/or seasons.

  • Oh please. Kiss God’s butt at every opportunity It’s been one epic disappointment after the next with God for me. It’s always no, or he can’t do this, or he can’t do that, he’s just ignoring me. But, he’s working it out for the best mularkey. I get so sick of hearing it. I really could give a flying … what God’s next excuse is. It’s always some excuse. Believing God to move on anything is believing in magic potions or some other fairy dust concoction. I’m mad at him. Really mad at him. He just ignores me no matter what. I ask myself constantly, what is God’s gameplan. I was lead to believe by preachers selling this tape or that tape God has some magic plan for my life. So, I prayed for one. Never got a vision like preachers promised God would do. Then, I read, God really doesn’t do that and preachers need to stop trying to convert people with the big plan argument. Then, others will say, oh you didn’t pray right or enough or some other ridiculous thing. Or, they would say, you have some secret sin in your life and God can’t answer you. Other preach the grace thing or something else. Basically, you are constantly jumping through hoops to get God’s butt off the throne and into some action plan. I am sick of all of it. Christianity has been one nightmare or another for 20+ years for me. I’m done. I’d really love to tell the almighty God exactly where he can put his promises, his preachers who preach one contradiction after the next and a few other things.

    • Wow, Cameron. I’m so sorry to hear this and I’m sorry for your pain. In my life, though I couldn’t figure it all out in the moment, have come to realize that God has taken good care of me and has been with me and my family even though I’ve felt and at points, even believed, that He was not. I’m still believing that you will continue to reach for Him even though you’re feeling like this.

  • Jesus understands our brokenness and that is why I have trusted Him in my own…I was widowed 2 years ago and my circumstances changed over night. We had a wonderful ministry and life and suddenly it “seemed” I lost everything.. Through it all, I have discovered that trusting in His goodness and remembering how He lifted me up in other circumstances earlier in life, has brought me closer to Him and I see His grace and mercy at work. It’s when I’m self-aware – of my pain and lack – I shut the door on His generous love towards me. I have had to learn to receive generously from others and to give as generously as I am able. It’s been hard to be on the receiving end…but He is teaching me some great things through this and I am learning to be courageous and growing wisdom. I found your teaching to be of great help to me and to those I minister to who sometimes are “disappointed” in God.

    • Donna, what a great testimony of your response to pain and loss. I too, share in life’s pain. And I believe that we all hit “low” points — valleys — as we venture through life. Though I personally am not a fan to pain or loss (don’t know anyone who is), I do believe from the pain and loss can come growth and even new life. Thanks for sharing!

  • i found this teaching because I am ministering to someone who has lost trust in God and is full of disappointment. I know that what I share from your teaching and the Psalms you posted will help her to believe and trust again. We all must look above/beyond our circumstances and see His truth in every situation….He desires intimacy with us and as we draw closer, like David did, we experience His presence and His goodness….we experience deep satisfaction “no matter what”.

    • I pray that your words to the person you are ministering to will touch them deeply. It’s hard to see truth when the atmosphere is clouded with disappointment. But when we eventually find truth (the Word) then that truth has the ability to liberate us. I believe you will be successful in your ministry to your friend. God is with you and them.

  • Hi Greg,your responses are of someone who truly loves God and is trying to help his people without being too judgemental. It seems very hard to find that balance. There are those who follow hard after God which is wonderful but it seems like their egos get the best of them and they become high and mighty Then you got Christians that are just too accepting of too many things. It seems when you go to church it’s more about being in other people’s business not worshipping God. A few yrs ago I visited a church and a woman there upon meeting me asked me everything about myself save my social security #. I’m sorry just a little humor but in all seriousness I feel lost like a sheep with no sheperd.

    • Hi Wanderer, first of all you’re not because the Great Shepherd knows you and loves you. 🙂 Trust me when I say this, there are churches that are truly pursing God’s heart and live to see His glory fill the earth. They are good churches. On the other hand, we can’t be the church and avoid people at the same time. We are all bumped and bruised as we endeavor to become more like Jesus. My encouragement is to fix your eyes on Jesus as your number one love and priority. Thanks for sharing.

  • I thank you for addressing this topic as Ive been bothered by it for some time. Like most, I know that God is good and His mercy endures for ever. His Word never returns unto Him void or empty of power. It always does what it was purposed to do. However, knowing and staying in belief on all of that gets pretty tough when years go by and it appears that God has been somewhat slack or silent in critical areas of your life.

    You mentioned some seasons are meant to be endured and apparently not rescued from. Im mindful of Joseph here in that he didn’t do nothing wrong per se but went through a long period where it appeared God let him down! Nevertheless, Joseph apparently kept trusting in God through his prison experience.

    Ive decided I will keep fighting the good fight of faith even if I don’t understand things now. However, I will keep seeking Him for Wisdom and understanding in order to correct any areas I may be missing it in.

    Thanks for your Word.

    • Hi MLP. Thank you for your kind words. You are on the right track! You have drawn the right conclusions. Keep fighting and believing and at the same time ask for wisdom and understanding, staying open to anything He might want to show or teach you! Believing with you. Blessings — Greg

  • I went through some situations at work last week, that shook the very foundation of my faith in God, triggering me to question God’s love because it didn’t make sense how a good and loving Father could allow me to go through such painful situations. It’s easy to accept and endure a suffering if it was of redemptive nature or if it brought glory to God in some visible way, I thought. But when I thought about my humiliating situation, I could see no apparent way God could be glorified through it. “To worship God when we don’t understand is the supreme offering we give this side of heaven.” – This helped me understand that worshipping God through the pain, brings glory to Him.
    Although I knew the Scriptures and understood how God orchestrates everything (the good, the bad and the ugly stuff) for my ultimate good, this article has helped shed light into some deeper insights of the benefits of sufferings. So true that our intimacy with God reaches newer depths through these trying times, and how it enables us to receive the beautiful treasures of “wisdom and revelation” as you’ve mentioned.
    Thanks for this article!

    • Eunice, so sorry for the late reply. What a wonderful testimony. I too, have encountered these situations with the same results. Thank you for your transparency and the insights you are learning. Glad too, that I can help you through the journey!

  • Hi Greg, I am at the end of my tether – for the last six years;
    We live on a farm in South Africa the Issues we have had cope with in the recent past – however I “seek” the Lord. However I pray – nothing changes.
    My Mum’s Alzheimer’s got very bad
    Mum died in 2015
    My daughter Maxine fell off her horse –
    – the accident caused brain involvement, and she had to drop out of veterinary school – even though she was excelling
    She than contracted
    – Vistipular neuritis
    – Encephalitis (takes unusually long to diagnose) she suffers with;
    – regular migraines,
    – dizziness,
    – nausea (can vomit multiple times in an hour)
    – Battles to sit in a noisy environment,
    – restricted vision,
    – passes out
    – lost confidence
    – No cure only symptomatic relief – not effective
    – Suffers feeling abandoned by God – she can’t Trust HIM
    – Broke her knee
    – Both hips have congenital problems had to be operated on
    – Gall bladder was removed
    My wife Noelleen sufferering in this period involved
    – she Broke her arm
    – she has had Surgery to clean joint in her knee
    – surgery to release a Nerve in her shoulder
    – she suffers from curvature of the spine (scoliosis)
    – she has a damaged disk -with spinal chord impingement – she lives in a state of agonizing pain
    – Weak – collapsing – leg
    – Has extensive debilitating food allergies,
    – she suffers from exhaustion and depression
    – Very poor self opinion
    – Rejection
    – to tipi it all Wasp stung her on her lip 24/2/2018
    My son Luke
    – has acquired Maxine’s virus
    – Also very poor skeletal joints (suffers easy dislocations)
    – Struggles with his weight

    I (Jonathan)
    Suffer from
    – Depression
    – Hearing loss
    – Memory loss
    – Asthma
    – Headaches
    – Huge sense of failure
    – Hip replacement
    – Coccyx removed
    – Feel abandoned by God – can’t trust Him. He doesn’t answer prayers
    Due to my business failing we have had to sell all of our “luxury” assets to survive financially
    – boat,
    – caravan,
    – tractor,
    – 9 cars (2 minis, 1 Touareg, 1 Fortuner, 3 Golf Gti’s, VW beatle, Renault)
    My Business failed
    – Accused of fraud
    – Lost shareholding
    – bond against house
    – Salary reduced by 30% – no increase in four years
    – Two partners leave intending to steal all the company business
    – Don’t see possibility of exiting situation in current basis

    In 2017 we suffered a Farm attack –
    – Sid (Max’s dog) shot and killed
    – We Suffer mild PTSD

    Maxine’s horse (Shilo with stillborn baby) dies from horse sickness – horrific
    ShaSidi has a leg injury – almost lose her
    12 horses put down unexpectedly for odd reasons
    – Honey
    – Sharifa (Max’s special horse)
    – Cahil (Max’s horse)
    – Zara
    – Tom
    – Pepper had a stroke
    – Heidi porcupine quill
    – Cally
    – Sam broker his leg and had to be put down
    – Balloo cancer
    – Neville cancer
    – Dante shot
    Shilo has a still borne foul
    Violet and calf die whilst giving birth
    Previously Both cows aborted pregnancies

    Dogs (19 dogs died)
    – Muffin dies (Max’s special dog) old age
    – Poppy old age
    – Dennis put down behaviour
    – Alex dies old age
    – Liquorice disappears
    – Walter kidneys failed put down
    – Jemima skitn cancer put down
    – Horton poisoned
    – Hubert drinks algaecide and dies
    – Rosie put down old age
    – Jelly put down old age
    – Mungo put down old age
    – Fosker disappears
    – Sherlock disappears – found dead in reservoir
    – Rupert disappears – found dead in reservoir
    – Sid (Max) gets shot and dies in the farm attack
    – Katie suffers from a spinal stroke
    – Ezra died from Parvo virus
    – thisFriday my Perinian Mountain dog Willa (who saved my life in the farm attack) died by getting caught in snare

  • How do I respect and love a God who allowed me to be abused..I was a child a baby I did NOT have a choice he did NOT protect me..and please no claptrap rationalizations..this abuse has been the source of all my pains and bad choices in live

    • I’m SO sorry, Mu. Since you don’t want any absurd rationalizations it appears that anything I might say can be considered that. I can say this, I know many people who have experienced your trauma, and they have made it past their offense toward God and are living free from the abuse because of God’s healing power. My prayers for you would be that you would experience the same.

  • I’m saved for many years. But for the last 12yrs a prayer to be healed not answered . On top of that my 4yr. GRANDSON is being abused by his father physically and verbally. His fathers family are rich and are paying Defax, lawyers, judges off and lying. Now my Grandson is in more danger. I pray NIGHT AND DAY without stopping. Yet where is God ? I can’t stand to read Gods word which I use to love only to read his word. No Gods promises make me sick. That killing me. I’ve tried just praising God. But I can’t seem to be lifted up by anything or anyone not even by God. I know I’m saved . I can’t believe that my spirit has gotten here. Please, anyone help me ?!!!!

    • Debra, do you have a home church that you attend? Do you have Christian friends whom you can confide in? If so, please get a hold of them. I completely understand how you can feel. When what we know and believe about God is not lining up with how life is going for us, we can become offended. I would encourage you to find someone to help you through these valleys. All I can say is that in Ps 23 it says that ” though I go through the valley of the shadow of death.” You will go through these valleys and come out the other side. Don’t give up.

  • I have been a Christian for >30 yrs. Have pain and atrophy for the same length of time. Went to see a famous youtube pastor/healer, no compassion offered, no healing. About 2 years ago I had joy , had a vision. My joy lasted for a month.It has all stopped i’m so very dissapointed in God. Apparently Christians know God’s love for them. I’ve prayed my whole life for this,to no avail. I don’t trust God anymore. I wonder how many Chistians have this experience and are just going through the motions. I have prayed for healing countless times, to no effect. I can’t really pray anymore.
    I feel like God is distant because of my pride and I told some people about my vision. Do you think we are not to share those experiences? I wish so much i had never been born. I am questioning what the real Christian experience is supposed to be. It seems like God offers us a few crumbs from his table, but for most of our lives it’s spiritual starvation.
    Thanks for your time, i sense that your life has been very hard, I’m sorry for that.

    • I am so sorry to hear this Dennis. I pray that at some point in your life’s journey that you will receive the physical healing you so desire. One of the great mysteries to me is around healing. I’ve seen people completely healed of life-threating diseases and some who have not. Should we stop praying, or stop believing, I say, no. Continue to be honest before the Lord. Though I feel your disappointment, I believe that you love the Lord. Even in our pain, I’ve come to realize that He will never leave us nor forsake us. I’m asking for God’s grace and love to fill you in spite of the pain and atrophy and will continue to believe for you full and complete healing.

  • Hello, I have been saved for 16 1/2 years and prayed for my husband David salvation for that many years and he still has not accepted God into his life. Also for about 14 years I have prayed for the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and have not received that either.
    It get very hard and frustrating to keep praying and believing God will answer. I have almost given up that I will receive the Baptism. I haven’t given up on my husband but it very discouraged with God and life.
    God would speak to me when I first got saved but He then stopped and I haven’t heard from Him in years. It’s hard to hold onto God when you feel like He doesn’t care. I feel like I’m having a one sided conversation when I pray.

    • Hi Mary. I sympathize with you. I’m sorry you have gone through this in your personal journey and history with the Lord. I know that praying and believing for a spouse to receive the Lord can be wearisome. I trust that the Lord is working for David’s highest good and believe that there will be day he finds the Lord. Regarding the Baptism in the Holy Spirit, I think it would be wise to get solid discipleship and spiritual leadership in this area. The blockage could be a misunderstanding regarding how and when we receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. Regarding God speaking to you, I believe every time I open the Bible He is speaking. So if you are reading the Word I assure you He is speaking to you. There are many ways he speaks to us. Take a look at this series I wrote about in regard to hearing God’s voice. It can be helpful. Thanks so much for sharing, Mary. Blessings.

  • I find the title “Ekklesia Emerging” very interesting as I teach online classes on the Ekklesia and how it, and the church are not the same, but 2 very different ways. What is your understanding?


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